Forever in the Dark
by Sodapop Allerdyce
Summary: Fortress of Solitude: A song loosely based on "Creep" by Stone Temple Pilots. Covers topic of previous chapters. Agent Sands is locked in a dark room that he desires to escape from. In other words, his mind. (NEW)
1. Forever in the Dark

Forever in the Dark  
  
forever in the dark  
never to see the light of day again  
to wander about with no sense of direction  
utter feelings of loss and chaos fill the mind  
wondering of purpose on this earth  
to take his loss as a sin to his life  
never to understand such trechery  
fear fills the heart at times  
times when the sight of color and life seem to fade and allude the mind  
detached from what made life wonderful to bear  
although this lifetime was dark and not a happy one  
to have the last hope taken away burns  
shot down and left to die during battle  
the heat attacking skin upon stone  
searching for strength to go on  
when not having anything to live for  
no one to touch this dreay soul  
to bring it back to life and peace  
although peace was something never truly known nor owned  
adjusting to a life without love and sight  
bits of sanity seem to fade  
regrets pulling at the heart strings  
life and warmth bleed out from the battle wounds  
feeling faint and to wonder about death  
will death be wonderful as one imagined it to be?  
swift, soft, fast, and yet relaxing  
finally to leave from here and never look back  
if that what fate has intended  
senses seem to blur and intensify with the loss of sight  
lights seem to flicker about and taunt  
anger and vengence seems to come to mind  
only thing that made one feel alive again  
that feeling of adrenaline and excitement  
having to be on guard for one's life  
not much it seems but it would have to do  
until one can think of something, of a purpose  
might as well get used to the fact  
the fact that that this one would have to carry for the rest of his life  
sheldon jeffery sands must remain forever in the dark  
with a soul so dark, how long can he truly last? 


	2. Under Lock and Key

_This poem is a sequel to "Forever in the Dark"_   
  
Under Lock and Key   
  
in denial of the truth before him   
never wanting others to see beyond the cold mask of a  
killer   
so much dignity and pride to burden   
an enigma amongst society   
much desire to be left alone in peace   
but never taking much joy in being a lone wolf   
to why he had to lead a life where he kept everyone   
at arm's length   
he'll never know but will regret it dearly   
in his youth, peers were most unkind   
scorn him for what he was   
different from the rest and having such a strong   
sense of purpose   
sense of already knowing of what and who he was to   
become   
no one able and ready to understand him   
defenses held strong in his mind and aura   
never to let anyone get past the barriers   
get to the side of him that he wasn't proud of   
over time of such a strong ego   
made him hard and cold to the world around him   
being quite aware of the darkness in mans' heart   
their true nature yet to be unleashed upon the earth   
coming to an understanding that keeping the balance   
was vital   
between peace and what society could not obtain   
themselves   
to assign himself to such a duty   
another sense of his purpose in life   
placing his dark view and caliber into this goal   
serving out what he believes is right   
no matter if it involved pain, torture, and murder   
let his skills as an agent to guide   
and his gun to do the talking for him   
so many faults within' our society   
many sins to correct   
so little time to get to them all   
to be disgusted by the many flaws in this world and   
man   
much disappointment in himself also   
a never ending battle to right   
determined to never give up   
he prefers to lone his lifetime quest   
never finds partnership of any use   
only to be a burden and a great annoyance   
drag him down in the process   
can't get anything done the way he wants   
not like there's many who would lend him aide and   
heed   
perfect and all the better to his soul   
the owner of a lonely heart   
to wander forever in the dark   
with pride and beliefs to show him the way   
the key to his survival and longtivity within' a   
harsh world   
unrelenting denial of the truth well under wraps   
under lock and key 


	3. Everlasting Curse, I Hate Myself

Author's Note: If Agent Sands were ever to write a song, it would go something like this (lyrics cover topics of "Forever in the Dark" and "Under Lock and Key"):

Everlasting Curse (I Hate Myself)  
  
I hate my life  
I hate my life  
I hate myself  
But, yet, I don't want another life  
I've come too far to throw it all away now  
Yet, I despise the mad world that I've created  
I feel like I am out of control  
No longer can I hold anything in my hands  
Neither can I see what's before me  
I've been deprived of my view to the world  
No windows to stare longingly out of  
My soul is famished  
Starving for what is more  
The mind feels so damn clouded  
With all these conflicting thoughts  
That I can't seem to sort out  
Never will I find an answer to them all  
They all want out, but I won't let them  
Holding them back will aide  
Whatever sanity that I have left to hold onto  
My sanctuary, my safe haven to be a brief peace of mind  
Had been destroyed so long ago  
Leaving only the barren fields and flora to tell their sad tale  
Of a person who once resembled something human  
I'm not exactly sure when I lost it all  
All I do know is that my sanity and innocence have been a long time dead  
All of this aimless wandering must come to an end some day  
For every little needle of shame  
That I feel pricking my weak flesh  
Is pure and living torture  
That is what I have been resorted to  
The pain and suffering that I caused  
Has come back to haunt me  
And there it will remain  
Like an everlasting curse  
No longer can I deny the victims  
Lie to myself and explain everything away  
To delay the lashes that much longer  
But they come forth anyways  
In never ending waves of sorrow  
Is this guilt I feel and why should I care?  
All I have ever known was myself  
Breaking down never being an option  
But why do I even bother to continue  
This rage against the machine to feel  
To feel what it's like to be truly human  
Like all the rest of mankind  
What is so wrong about that?  
I hate my life  
I hate my life  
I hate myself  
But, yet, still I find no solution  
So I will continue to wander this earth  
To prevent myself from sinking further into my mad world  
Forever, for all eternity as far as I can see  
I will always hate my life  
Hate my life  
Myself  
Leave me to burn


	4. Borrowed Heaven

_This time around, I wrote a poem from Agent Sands' point of view, which is  
really dark and can be a bit discomforting while you read it. Mind you, the  
mind of a man upon the edge of his sanity is not a pleasant place to be  
nor seen. On another note, thanks to RoamingPony for her wonderful reviews  
and falling in love with this saga of mine!_

**Borrowed Heaven  
**  
sitting amongst broken souls  
consuming a liquid warmth to numb their pain  
taking in as much as they can bear  
i am one who dearly wishes to see my reality vanish  
although much of it has alluded me greatly  
seeing as that i am blind to the world around me  
drinking in this fantasy world helps me to rip away  
tear off the painful memories of my forced sin  
to temporarily forget that my windows are no more  
only to have images flash across my mind as the remainder  
of what's left of my imagination  
i feel so detached from the world this way  
as if i were in a dream but partially awake all the while  
floating between existence and sweet relief  
indulging in the joy of visions i once had  
even when there are nightmares to claw away at my being  
i find reality, my life, more horrifying than the latter  
having experienced so much death  
brought upon by my own hands of creation  
or someone before me  
at times like those, i place on a mask of cold indifference  
to shield away and hide whatever emotion i may feel  
either of disgust, joy, or even, fear  
but i will never give one the satisfaction so easily  
never let another soul know me beyond my set boundaries  
some believe me to be inhuman  
but i refer to this as control over one's self  
never was the type to show weakness  
lash out at others who come too close to knowing the truth  
truth behind my creative maze of false pretences of myself  
a version of me that i show to the world  
of a being whose superior to his higher officers  
no matter how much of his insanity may have faded into the blue  
a shell of a killer and strategist  
no more, no less will they ever know  
creating intricate little paths of persona  
many can the other take  
trying to reach my center of mentality  
setting many traps for them to fall into  
some investigators can fall forever into those traps  
never to return to the true me  
while i can easily turn others away  
make them go back and forth  
coming forth with so many miscalculations about me  
incredible and hilarious mistakes i find  
how unwise to second guess me  
or even to go so far as to believe they know this soul  
what fools and impudence, i say!  
only if they knew to always watch their backs  
or it could mean their very lives at stake  
even more so when they strike the wrong nerve  
crossing me is the last thing they will ever do  
i promise you that  
although, i don't make many promises that i keep  
that is, before i slaughter them, of course!  
death is such a final and vital step  
that we work towards to prolong our whole miserable lives  
now, doesn't that seem depressing?  
we live for such a short time  
than we decompose in the meanwhile  
trying our best to provide our bodies with health  
seems feudal at times, no?  
sometimes i believe that life can be a waste of time  
sounds crazy, i know  
just depends on what you plan to do with your life  
all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us  
so i hear from the wise as i wander through my life  
many people i have come across have feared me  
and even loathed me  
i don't care all that much for them either  
they fear cause they don't understand me  
for my dark view and beliefs about our world  
i'm not exactly complaining, really  
just telling it like it is  
keeping it real to the ignorant and naive at heart  
they must know  
it's a right to the land of the free  
freedom of speech and be heard  
thinking so much about this lifetime grows tiresome  
when i sink to this level of mind  
i make my way here  
to a place where the dreary can down their misery  
drown it in a liquid that makes us forget  
only for a little borrowed heaven, if you will  
this will take forever and all night  
in order for this one to forget all he's seen and heard 


	5. Sweet Surrender

_Fifth Installment to "Forever in the Dark" Saga (another dark poem about unwanted stitches and desire for redemption is brewing)  
_

**Sweet Surrender**   
  
no one has bled quite like me   
at least, not the average mortals   
my body and mind are covered in scars   
many that you can't even imagine   
nor see with your judgemental eyes   
flickering memories of when they bled can be   
harrowing   
even worse when they can reopen   
leaving me open for all to see   
weak and vulnerable with no where to hide   
i have some believing that i'm mutalated   
either upon self infliction or disagreement   
they will never and could never know   
those stories are not for them to know   
nor can they make me tell them so   
i refuse to tell tales of them like an elder   
an elder telling his story of times of war   
not going to sink to that level   
shall not let myself be seen by anyone   
my scars shall remain there   
untouched by another living soul to bear   
so much doubt that any mortal could bear my   
tales   
even if i were to be honest to one   
which is quite rare to do   
to let a single string or flow of those   
memories to come back   
will only allow my stitches to come undone   
for people to tease at   
to unravel my self to them   
must i always resew my worn out clothes   
cloth tattered from many years of use   
plain to see that my protection is thin   
but not as fragile as glass   
although shattered shards i can gather   
will be deadly then for them   
but yet i don't want to bleed them   
like others have done to me once long ago   
not right to wrong them like i've been   
no one truly deserves to heed where i've been   
and what i've seen   
such pressure on their pure souls is   
unnecessary   
nor does anyone deserve what i've got   
a tortured soul   
a heart that is damned to hell   
much like mortal fantasy of cursed immortality   
like the vampyric immortals we dream of   
such an illusion, truly   
but so much alike, never the less is so   
i do not fear being damned all that much   
like i rightly should be doing so   
it is just that i've gotten so used to this   
this self imposed exile   
my conscious bearing down on me all the time   
to claw at me with such dark words   
words that i dearly need to hear   
although i would prefer to hear things i would   
like   
i hear the wisdom   
but i am deft and dumb to them way too often   
the light of reason needs to show through me   
my dark aybss that always clouds my mind and my  
vision   
blind for all eternity, yes   
but the choice not to remain deft and numb no   
longer   
sounds quite inviting   
as strange as i find that   
i speak of such conviction, do i not?   
but yet i take no action whatsoever   
i desire that feeling of inspiration   
to plunge myself forth into a new shell   
for this one to seek redemption   
my new born desire   
these wounds and scars of mine are great in   
number   
obvious sign for help   
to turn my inner tide   
to wash away this insanity from my entity   
that has clouded me too long   
and has gone unchallenged for ages   
must come to an end   
that is for certain   
a damned soul seeking inner peace   
to which many of us mortals seek   
but few of us ever find   
a wonderful dream like world where we can do no  
wrong   
to have our sins uplifted and barden   
a sweet surrender   
like a heaven upon earth   
to those who have found that garden of eden   
makes one wish that the great gods were still   
alive   
just so that they can see this   
and know that their creations can find this   
possible   
that not all hope is lost upon the sinners   
dark ones have a way back to the light   
even when they tangle by a fraying shred   
of sanity and health   
one day i'll fly to that heaven   
you just wait and see, my friends


	6. Dangerous Addiction

_Sixth Installment to "Forever in the Dark" - The Path that leads to redemption has many obstacles for the seeker to overcome and be tested in order to suceed. Fair thee well..._

**Dangerous Addiction   
**  
no one knows me   
no one truly understands me   
i've been addicted to the darkness for   
far too long   
i need to find a way back to the light   
where i know that everything will be   
alright   
what i say now may seem like a cliché   
to you   
my conviction not having much value   
for i have spoke of this so many times   
before   
but please believe when i say this   
that i'm trying to find a way to turn   
the tide   
to prevent me from drowning within' my   
mad world   
that is as deep as the ocean   
filled with unshed tears of sorrow and   
regret   
if i continue to explore the mysterious  
water   
surely, i'll be lost forever within' an  
illusion   
the surface will freeze over from   
winter's harsh breath   
blockading my escape to what is more   
i am not willing to go out like this   
never have i tolerated a dishonorable,   
disgraceful death   
ignoring the sirens' calls from below   
the earth   
to where a world is consumed by an   
eternal fire   
i'm too aware of what awaits me down   
there   
a million miles of pure living torture   
for the rest of my days   
that is not something that i am looking  
forward to   
what i'm trying to say here is that i'm  
not going to give up   
i won't back down from the light   
a shimmer that is inviting and clear in  
my mind   
all i have to do is to seek it   
redeem myself for past wrongs   
to have it wash away my sins   
evaporate my demons and forget my dark   
past   
i am not ready for hell to swallow me   
whole   
i would like to have a second chance in  
life   
so that when the day comes that i may   
die   
i would have the opportunity to go to   
heaven   
so that i can live out the rest of my   
days in peace   
for knowing only hell can truly break   
me   
cause me to shatter to pieces   
fire melting, burning my few precious   
memories   
rare red roses in my lifetime   
pealing away by outer shell   
leaving me bare and open   
open to welcome in more demons   
that idea frightens me   
having no choice but have to face this   
a death that repeats itself a thousand   
times over   
making me unable to forget   
what i've done   
where i've been   
the repulsive being that i've always   
been   
a dark soul has many layers of filth   
so hard to wipe them all off   
gone from existence   
i try my best and with all my known   
strengths   
to pry it all away   
but, alas, only with my imagination can  
this seem easy   
my grip grows weaker with the passing   
time   
time flies by and i get wearisome of it  
wasting my time just by thinking too   
much   
tearing away at my own being for   
allowing myself   
to get this bad and mutilated   
but, all is not lost   
i have learned one thing   
during this phase of self reflection   
i am dire for another human companion   
someone who is as scared as me   
and wishes to escape his inner hell   
to share burdens with one another   
to lift a part of the load off our   
shoulders   
so that life won't be so hard anymore   
upon those who have suffered   
and desire to see better days   
i am confessing to aide   
such an alien, unknown concept to me   
but, my moment is dire   
and i'm left with no other options   
either to seek help from another   
or let myself waste away from the   
inside   
allow my soul to slowly fade   
face and mind's eyes losing mobility   
to conclude it all by killing myself   
starting from the inside on out   
becoming an empty shell of nothingness   
these sort of thoughts strike such fear  
chills run up and down my spine   
my whole nervous system quivers   
making my body feel like ice   
feeling numb and paranoid to nothing   
not a single thing around me matters   
to me anymore during this anxiety   
attack   
i must make my grand escape   
before it's too late for this poor soul  
panic fills my mind as i rush forward   
into the unknown   
making my way towards the welcoming   
light   
before it snuffs itself out forever   
my heart bounds wildly within' its cage  
now do you believe in my conviction?   
can i be freed of this damnation?   
released from these balls and chains   
that have been weighing me down   
in this chamber with no light but from   
the window   
may i be bailed out of this jail that i  
call my life? 


	7. Grim Deliverance

_This poem is the seventh installment to my poem saga at called Forever in the Dark, which centers on Once Upon A Time In Mexico's psychotic CIA Agent, Sheldon Jeffrey Sands._

Grim Deliverance  
  
being able to see  
what only the eyes can see  
color and expression  
seems all wonderful  
gives meaning to life  
compared to one's emotions  
observing the world  
is but a fading memory now  
shades and hues losing their value  
deprieved of the simplest joys in life  
to gaze upon breathtaking landscapes  
just isn't the same anymore  
when one can only feel the gentle breeze  
with the echo of nature's daily sounds  
mocking me so  
a constant reminder of what's not there  
all that i have got to look forward  
to is darkness behind nonexistent lids  
endless abyss of shadows  
promising me nothing  
lacking things to offer  
but fading memories of the past  
to haunt me forever more  
upon this demanding world  
that i no longer desires to be a part of  
or at least the portion of my dying being  
upon this green earth  
i have become so numb to my emotions  
inner humanity is a mystery to me  
the need to survive is waning  
my strength evaporating into thin air  
the sensation of being alive  
is killing me from the inside  
bringing me closer to my demise  
whenever that may be  
living from day to day  
is a difficult struggle  
such torture i'm burdened with  
weighed down by poor judgment  
regrets and demons of my past  
eating away at all my hope  
although i'm still amongst the living  
i've already got the knowledge  
that i'm dying, soon to be dead  
life doesn't have any meaning  
just another way to lash out at me  
hurt and scar me for ignorance  
for not taking the time to redeem myself   
sooner than i had begun to plan  
why must everything offered to me  
in life, be delayed in delivery?  
by the time i get the signs  
it's already too late for me  
why didn't i see the signs before?  
i must've been too damn blind  
even before i lost my view upon  
this harsh world  
even i hadn't been deprived of them  
i would suffer and crumble  
under the weight of my heavy heart  
depression setting in like rushing acid  
eating away everything in its bath  
my eyes would have been dead  
so long ago  
and i wouldn't even know  
slowly killing myself  
a million miles to the final step in life  
death is on the horizon  
i ache for a pleasant break  
a quick transition onto the next  
onto the better life  
where i can finally be at peace  
may god grant me that much  
peace is all i ever wanted

_(Also, this poem is loosely based on Linkin Park's "From the Inside", from their sophomore album, Meteroa.)_ _One more thing, this poem covers how Agent Sands is coming ever so close to giving up on his dreams of redemption._


	8. Sympathetic Hangover

_Eighth Installment to FOREVER IN THE DARK & Loosely based upon a song by the Calling, One by One, and Nirvana's Lithium: _

Sympathetic Hangover  
  
i find myself at another bar  
drinking away the pain  
since that is all that i can feel for now  
this is not how i wanted my life to be  
nor to head down this dark path  
but i never had a choice  
when the turning point came in my life  
i ignored it like a fool  
all i ever do, all i ever think about  
is how much i want this pain to go away  
all this grief it causes me  
killing, scarring me into oblivion  
i am the owner of a black, dark soul  
an empty abyss within' my chest  
although it may go on beating  
full of life still when i'm not  
drained of everything  
that i once stood for  
faith that became my fate  
i feel so helpless  
like little child  
lost and confused in this world  
minus the mature level of torture methods  
oh, to be that innocent and pure once more  
would be divine  
a new heaven to thrive upon  
than i could be brought back to life  
deep down where i'm already dying  
alas, i could never turn back time  
no matter how much i desire this  
it will never be  
as most wishes i make in my life  
there is no hope left  
with one so dark as me  
roaming aimlessly without a soul  
the will to go on  
no windows to feed my imagination  
whatever part of me i have left  
i pray that it passes on to the better life  
whatever that may be for me  
if i lay down to my doom  
so it shall be  
as long as i can live freely  
breath the free air  
and be born anew  
never to be this person again  
for i am through being me  
if i were a scrape of garbage  
that no one wanted  
i would tear myself to shreds  
and toss the remains in with the waste  
light them on fire  
feel the warmth of the flames  
how beautiful they light up the night  
i feel tempted to laugh  
but it's all in mockery, make believe  
no point of dreaming of that  
believing in what's not there  
as i continue to drown myself  
in this constant misery  
lake of golden liquid  
that numbs you and blinds you  
all in one go as you go on  
everyone around me  
those who bother to see me at all  
even spare a glance my way  
their faces are etched with concern  
for my health, who needs it  
when i'm so far gone into this darkness?  
my physical condition is questionable  
for i seem to be withering away  
losing weight from sun rise to sun set  
along with my common sense  
to stop this madness  
i don't heed their wary stares  
although i linger upon the possible  
opinions of me  
what others think of me  
especially to those who once knew me  
if they ever saw me again  
would they be compassionate  
come to my side and help this poor soul  
or be vengeful  
and beat me while i'm already down  
for the count  
increasing the blows to my low self esteem  
abusing the blind and beaten  
what a low and sinful deed  
how i hate them  
but this is all i can feel  
pain and to all it's glorious extents  
degrees of torture  
i should consider myself lucky today  
which is quite rare concept to bring to mind  
long forgotten, having luck and fortune  
qualities of life that brought joy  
and light into my mad world once  
so far, no cruel fiends nor demons  
that i may see in this hazy world  
when i'm blind from this mass consumption  
no brutality to come finish me off  
other than my state of mind  
another pitcher, another glass full  
slapping money left and right  
without a whim  
until a man with long black hair  
with pants that jingled, tinkled  
innocent clang of a bell  
upon entering a small, gift store  
placed himself in a cushioned seat  
beside me  
unaware of who i am  
or where i've been  
although i cannot see him  
for i am blind as a bat  
as much as i used to admit  
that in the past  
i can hear him quite clearly  
almost like as if the sounds he made  
as he moved about the tavern  
where the only sound made  
in a silent field at night  
with all of its inhabitance  
fast asleep and in peace  
the clank of something heavy  
clicking and snapping at the hinges  
like a case of sorts  
calculating and gauging  
all of these observations  
sounds like to me  
like i've got a familiar beside me  
someone of whom i met in the past  
how do i remember these things with ease?  
behind blind with only a fictional world to guide me  
through it all  
taught me to trust my instincts  
based on what i heard  
and not be deceived by what i saw  
i am quite bewildered as to why he's here  
this infamous guitar player  
famous for the plucking of delicate strings  
within' a wooden case  
creating harmonious notes from the heart  
such sounds that tug at your heart strings  
play at your emotions  
oh my, what a sight this must be  
for anyone who knew who we were  
i wonder to what i owe the pleasure for  
of having the great, famous  
el mariachi by my side  
silent is he as i observe  
through my senses  
measuring him up  
my protective barriers  
no attempts to form around me  
keep me upon my toes  
for any signs of danger  
but, the mind numbing liquid  
had lowered my defenses  
making me too wary  
to bother with such a worrisome task  
even if my life wad depending upon it  
i did not have the strength to fight him now  
but when i do, i will challenge him  
if i'm up to it and have the strength  
although not as determined and sharp  
as i once had been in my many years  
of madness  
i seem to be losing my touch  
my grasp upon causing others pain  
allowing them to suffer for my horrors  
getting high off the rush  
that is never more  
i sway upon my high horse  
this long legged chair  
too high from the ground for my taste  
the world around me, this tavern  
seems to keep spinning  
never ending rotations  
very agitating to the nerves  
man, am i in no condition  
what a poor state and fool i am  
to be this weak  
and allow my inferiors to see  
what i have hidden on the inside  
arise to the outside  
both never breathtaking to gaze upon  
repulsive are both sides of the coin  
silence and the buzzing in my head  
like a thousand wasps entrapped in their hive  
never ceasing to shut up  
those voices grinding upon my nerves  
digging under my skin  
driving the arising warmth in my blood  
to new heights  
effecting my blood pressure  
already at a dangerous high  
from overdoses of alcohol  
soon i am going to lose it  
which is normally around the time  
i black out and all is lost to me  
my mind shuts down  
and i remember nothing  
only to awake to a blinding hangover  
that i don't deserve, which is ironic  
for i drank to receive pain  
and feel something in return  
christ, that damn guitar player  
will just have to wait his turn  
to be dealt with  
i'll be coming for you, el mariachi  
as soon as i recover from this horror  
that i call my life, my remains  
a dead corpse still kicking


	9. Fortress of Solitude

_The ninth installment to the series, Forever in the Dark. This time, in the format of a song that is loosely based upon Nirvana's "Half the Man I Used to Be". As you read this song, try reading and imagining it in that tone, the way Kurt Cobain sang that song that I mentioned. One more thing to know about the latest installment is that it sort of covers the events in previous chapters. I believe it summarizes the events of the past two or three installments, not exactly everything since the third installment, which was the first song, "Hate Myself". Anyways, enjoy!_

**Fortress of Solitude**

I'm lying in pieces on the floor  
The room is so dark  
But I don't seem to care  
All I can think about  
Is how I'm in constant pain  
And how I would like to heal, like to feel

Don't take time from these wanted hands  
I need it to heal, need it to feel  
I want to see a change  
Have light pour fourth from the door  
Although I no idea on how to unlock the door  
I can't seem to find the key

Crawling around on hands and knees  
Clawing away at the floor  
Almost ready to give up the search  
Pound my fists upon the walls  
I feel at such a loss  
For I've scoured nearly every inch of the room  
To draw up nothing but air

This has all been in vain  
What a waste of my precious time  
How utterly pointless to try again  
When I receive nothing in return  
Makes me wonder if someone threw away the key  
While I was away for the day

How dare they do such a thing  
To a poor, blind soul like me  
I really need that key to open the door  
Before the window of opportunity is gone  
And the light fades behind teh way  
By then it would be too late to learn how to heal, how to feel

To remain isolated in solitude for all eternity  
With only myself to blame  
I wouldn't be able to take the guilt  
I hate myself for getting like this  
Leading a life full of regrets and agony  
To suffer alone with my grief

I pound agains the walls of this jail cell  
Crying out that I want to change  
Please let me heal, let me feel  
I fear the darkness surrounding me  
The shadow sharpening its claws upon my cool facade  
On a path of mass destruction to reach my sanity  
I scream like this for hours on end  
But no one ever cares to come to my aide  
No one dares to brave these wanted hands

I grow tired of it all  
Living my life from day to day  
Anxious for one to end and another begin  
All I ever do is lie here in pieces on the floor  
Allowing the constant pain to wash over me  
Drowning in this life of agony  
Oh, how I long to heal, long to feel


End file.
